The New League of Extraordinary Gentilemen
by Kerrigor
Summary: It's 2004. The Fantom has returned and is trying to start a World War III, Allan Quartermain must lead a new League aganst the Fantom and deal with being a out of his time.
1. Return

(Let's get this out of the way: I don't own LXG, James Bond, Harry Potter, Artemis Fowl, Back to the Future, Charmed, Angel, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Lara Croft: Tomb Raider, Hellboy, or any of the names or people under those titles.)  
  
It is early February 2004. The political leaders of the West and the Middle East are at an uneasy peace. The weapons of war: soldiers with machine guns, tanks, smart missiles, and static artillery pieces; which have been used in warfare for almost half a century, but the old world of war is ending and a new one begins...  
  
The New League of Extraordinary Gentleman  
  
Chapter 1: Return  
  
Two blocks from the Bank of England, London, The UK: 10:15 p.m., February 15, 2004.  
  
The ground shakes. The police are heading to the scene of a disturbance. There are a half- dozen of them, handguns out, as the disturbance came around the corner and they all gasp.  
  
The machine has a massive cannon, four machine gun turrets, armor all over, and is hovering ten inches off the ground. One of the police officers commands the machine to halt. The vehicle keeps right on going knocking the man to the ground. Afterwards the other policemen run after it and fire their pistols at it, which has no affect as it heads for the Bank of England.  
  
Once inside the bank it starts moving through. The machine topples every thing in its path with the police and then SWAT team members firing at it with no affect. Finally, the hovercraft stops at the vault, and blows the door off. Then, ten men step out. The first nine are dressed in military uniforms of North Korea, but the last man wares long robes, a silver mask and carries a cane with a silver skull on top. The last man says in perfect Korean, "Kill all but one so he may tell the tale." This statement creates a wide smile on the face of the North Korean officer as he heads toward the captured policemen. Meanwhile, the man in the mask, who seems to be in charge, walks over to a filing cabinet in the vault, takes some diagrams and papers and he and the soldiers, now done with killing off all but one of the policemen, climbs back into the hovercraft and leaves the bank.  
  
All the next week the headlines screamed:  
  
"North Koreans Attack The Bank of England"  
  
"North Korea's New Weapon?"  
  
"North Koreans Deny Involvement"  
  
Aerospace research facility: Toulouse, France; one week later  
  
The faculty is in pandemonium. Soldiers in American uniforms run everywhere capturing scientists. A tall man in a fur coat and silver mask asks the commander, who is supervising the capture and occasional killing of the scientists, "Do you have him?" "Dr. Fredric Lawrence is right here, sir." the commander says as two soldiers come forward holding back an elderly scientist. The scientist asks in French, "What do you want?" "The world, Frederic," the masked man says simply, "I want the world!" The masked man than grabs some sort of cannon from a soldier and aims it at one of the huge rocket fuel tanks. The Scientist hollers in French, "Are you mad? Those tanks are full of rocket fuel!" "Really?" the masked man says, "That's so frightening." The man then fires the cannon and a laser beam comes forth from the gun and blows up the fuel tank. The man tosses the gun aside and strolls out.  
  
The week after the headlines read:  
  
"French Blame Americans for Toulouse Attack"  
  
"America Says 'Not Us'"  
  
"London and Toulouse Attacks Might Be Linked"  
  
"American – North Korean Alliance?"  
  
"World At The Brink of War"  
  
The former site of a British Safari village; Kenya, Africa: 11:55 p.m., two days latter  
  
It is five minutes to midnight. In the remains of a once prominent British village in Kenya a group of men in suits are wandering around the graveyard in the wrecked town or moving around a truck. One of the men whips the dirt from a grave and uncovers the name, "Quatermain", "Ms. Willow," the man calls out in a British accent, "I've found him." A red- haired woman near the truck turns around and walks toward the man in front of the grave. The women raises her arms in front of the grave and says in a very American way, "It's him all right," and then to the other men, "Get the stuff out of the truck."  
  
As the men start getting out candles, small animal sacrifices, and other things from the truck, the woman they call Willow sat down in front of the grave and closed her eyes in meditation. Suddenly, Willow's eyes snapped open again and she says,  
  
"Funny."  
  
"What is it?" says one of the men,  
  
"This man already has a dormant resurrection charm on him," Willow  
replies, "Once I activate it, he should come back by himself." Then  
she says to her other assistants, "I'll only need the candles, guys."  
  
The men slowly head back to the truck while one man hurries up, sets the candles in place, lights them, and stands back. Then, Willow begins chanting, as she did so her eyes slowly go from normal to a total black. Suddenly, the grave lights up and strange howling sounds come forth from it.  
  
"Did it work?" the man beside Willow asks as the light and the howling stop.  
  
"Yes," Willow says turning around as her eyes slowly returned to  
normal, "but we'll have to dig him up."  
  
As she says this as a hand bursts forth from the grave. Willow just notices it and the looks of fear from the men around her, says very calmly, "Well, what do you know, he's a climber." Soon the head and torso of Lord Allan Quatermain were clearly visible. The hunter shakes the dust from his hair as what appears to be the leader of the other assistants strides forward and extended his hand to Quatermain.  
  
"Agent Joseph Gabriel of Her Majesties Secret Service, it's an honor  
to meet you sir." The man says.  
  
"Allan Quatermain." The hunter says taking the man's hand.  
  
"Sir," the agent says, "the Empire needs you."  
  
"Not again." Quartermain replies.  
  
(If you like the first chapter more extraordinary things are on the way so keep reading and reviewing.) 


	2. The Spy and the Wizard

(I still don't own anything. Review or perish!)  
  
Chapter 2: The Spy and the Wizard  
  
The Offices of Her Majesties Secret Service, London, the UK: February 25; 10 a.m.  
  
Special Agent James Bond was severely ticked off. He had been spending a very enjoyable time with an old female friend of his when the office had called, sending him back to London. He was at that point heading into the office of Ms. Moneypenny. When entering, Bond took off his hat as it had been raining, and with a simple wrist flick sent the hat flying onto the coat tree on the other side of the office. He said, "And for my next miracle I..." but stopped dead when he saw a severe looking old woman standing at a filing cabinet on the other side of the room. It was M, the leader of MI6 and one who had never been truly in the James Bond fan club. M regarded Bond for a few seconds with the imperious stare that Bond was very, very used to and then said, "If you thought that was a miracle, 007, you won't believe your next assignment," and then headed for her office. With a sarcastic look at Ms. Moneypenny, M's secretary, a very attractive young woman going through another filing cabinet, he followed behind M, never noticing the old man in a well worn shirt and pair of trousers with a very old leather coat slung over his arm, standing in the corner of Ms. Moneypenny's office.  
  
Bond and M entered M's office, a cramped little study with a large desk and many bookshelves along the walls.  
  
"Have you ever heard of The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, 007?" M  
asked once she and Bond had sat down.  
  
"I can't say I have." Bond replied.  
  
M sighed, then took a file out of her desk and slid it across the desk at Bond. The file looked like all the others Bond had seen, with its blue cover, stamp on the front reading 'For your eyes only', and a very old typewriter label which read 'LXG'. Bond opened the file up and flicked through the contents as M said, "I'd never heard about the LXG either until Archives found that file in the old MI6 headquarters." Bond was staring now at some old photos of people. The first photo was of an elderly man in a well-worn hunting suit holding what appeared to be a turn of the century, breech-loading rifle. The next was of a much younger man, with long light colored hair, also wearing turn of the century clothes, with two pistols in shoulder holsters and carrying a 1889 Winchester repeating rifle. The next shot was of a hunched over, pale, nervous-looking young man, wearing a late nineteenth century suit. The next man was an Indian, in his late fifties, wearing a strange Naval uniform, a turban, and a highly decorated sword. The next photo was of a dashing man in his late twenties, wearing a well kept gray suit and leaning on a cane. The next man had a frighteningly pale face, sunglasses, wearing a large trench coat buttoned down all the way and a large hat. The final picture was of a stunning woman also in her late twenties with long, dark hair and wearing a floor length, Victorian dress.  
  
"Who are these people?" Bond asked.  
  
"They were the first League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, 007." M said.  
  
Bond was now going through some very old reports telling him the history behind the league.  
  
"In 1899," M began, "a half- mad professor called James Moriarty  
attempted to start a world war using the tensions of the time and  
brand new weapons he created. Under the name the Fantom, he intended  
to sell the weapons to both sides and make a huge profit. Besides  
state-of-the-art technology he was intending to sell the special gifts  
of each of the members. By impersonating the leader of MI6 and  
creating a false history of the League, he was able to lure these  
people in and use his spy, Dorian Gray," She indicated who Grey was by  
pointing at the man with the cane, "to steal what was needed to  
replicate the powers of the League. Fortunately, the other members  
were able to stop the Fantom before his plan succeeded."  
  
"So what does this have to do with me?" Bond asked, "Sounds as though  
you merely have an interesting story for the kids at home."  
  
"Have you been watching the news, Bond?" M asked in amazement  
  
"Oh," Bond said, "you mean the attacks in London and Toulouse."  
  
"Exactly 007," M replied, "We believe that the Fantom or one of his  
followers is  
trying to start World War III using the materials he stole from  
Toulouse, the plans of different major cities on earth which were  
stolen from the bank, advanced technology used in every crime, and..."  
At this M looked disgusted, as though she couldn't say what was next.  
  
"What?" Bond asked.  
  
"And the things he stole from the last League." M continued, "Skin  
samples of the Invisible Man, vampire DNA, and Dr. Jekyll's formula,  
The Spirit of Evil."  
  
"My God," Bond gasped in awe, "and you want me to go up against that?"  
  
"Not alone, 007," M said regaining herself, "MI6 has been allowed to  
put together a new League."  
  
"With me as leader." Bond said, also regaining himself.  
  
"No, 007," M said, "you will be second in command. Ms. Rosenburg has  
already seen to the leader."  
  
"Ms. Rosenburg?" Bond asked.  
  
"Ms. Willow Rosenburg," M said, "Even though it's hard to believe,  
she's a witch."  
  
"A witch." Bond said, now completely dumbfounded.  
  
"To be more specific a witch who specializes in the returning of those  
who have been murdered to this plane of existence." M explained,  
"She's been working with MI6 on and off for a year or so now."  
  
"So this Willow person is leading the team." Bond said with worry in his voice.  
  
"No, 007," M said. She revived someone who will lead the team." Then M  
spoke into her intercom, "Ms. Monneypenny, please ask Mr. Quatermain  
to come in."  
  
The door opened and an elderly man walked in. He was wearing a turn- of –the-century safari suit and was carrying a long thin object wrapped in brown paper. Bond couldn't believe his eyes. The man standing before him was an exact copy of the man in the first picture.  
  
"Mr. Quatermain," M began, "I am M, the head of Her Majesties Secret  
Service and this is Special Agent James Bond, 007, and your second in  
command. Bond, this is Allan Quatermain; he led the first LXG and is  
the leader of this new League."  
  
"Pleasure." Bond said shaking the old man's hand.  
  
"007," Quatermain commented, "Isn't that a little cryptic?"  
  
"I get by." Bond replied.  
  
"I hate to break up the introductions," M said, "but we are facing a  
world catastrophe, so may I continue?"  
  
"Of course." Quatermain said as he and Bond sat down.  
  
"As usual, gentlemen," M continued, "time is not on our side. Nations  
are striking out against nations. It hasn't been reported in the  
presses yet, but a scientific facility in Beijing was attacked last  
night. The attack matches the other two and worst of all, the Chinese  
are blaming the British government for the attack." M took five files  
out, put them in front of Bond and Quatermain and then continued, "We  
have one last chance of avoiding a World War III. In one week the UN  
will hold a secret conference between the nations in conflict in  
Paris."  
  
"And you believe the Fantom will attack the conference?" Bond asked.  
  
"I'm sure of it." M replied, "Now, 007, in the usual turn of events  
you would have the full assistance of MI6, but in this case you may  
not get help from any MI6 employees or stations." And then to both  
men, "Gentlemen you have one week to collect the other members of the  
League and get to Paris. Inside those files are the background  
information on the other members and fake identification that will  
allow you to access the members. You will also have to introduce the  
situation to them." M then took a small radio transmitter out of her  
desk and gave it to Bond, "This transmitter will call your transport  
once you're finished gathering the other member here in Britain. Just  
go to the docks in South London and push the button in the center.  
007, until you and Mr. Quatermain need to leave England Q has provided  
the Vanquish, but he reminds you to bring it back in one piece this  
time."  
  
"Good old Q." Bond remarked and then to Quatermain, "We have some work  
to do."  
  
As the two left the offices Bond commented to Quatermain, "You might want to call the British Museum and tell them you've found their missing set of safari clothes." "Thank you," Quatermain replied, "You might want to change, though; I hate for you to get dirt on your party frock."  
  
:  
  
Three miles outside the village of Hogsmeade; The north of England 2:00 p.m.:  
  
Bond's Aston Martin Vanquish sped across the English country- side. Bond looked over from the driver's seat at a very uneasy Quatermain.  
  
"I thought Captain Nemo had a car." Bond commented to Quatermain.  
  
"That contraption Nemo's built didn't go as fast as this one." Quatermain replied.  
  
"Well, we all prefer our own pace to travel at." Bond commented.  
  
"Just tell me who our first member is." Quatermain said in an irritated way.  
  
Bond pushed a button concealed on the steering wheel and a computer monitor came out of the dashboard and displayed a dossier.  
  
Ignoring Quatermain's stunned face at the computer screen, Bond  
cleared his throat and began, "His name is Harry Potter. Age sixteen,  
currently a student at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. At  
a year old Potter somehow survived a curse by the Dark Lord Voldemore,  
a wizard so evil and cruel that most of the wizarding world still fear  
to speak his name. This encounter also caused the near destruction of  
Voldemore when his curse rebounded upon himself. Two years ago  
Voldemore returned but before that Potter kept Voldemore from  
returning several times. The Headmaster of Hogwarts, your old friend  
Albus Dumbledore, and the Ministry of Magic have allowed us to take  
Harry for our purposes and to perform magic outside Hogwarts, an act  
that is usually illegal for a wizard of his age."  
  
"Interesting," Quatermain said, "I hope he's willing to join."  
  
The car pulled over just out of sight of the village. The two men then put on long black cloaks and got their personal effects in order. The village was small and slightly creepy because of the people and what could only be described as creatures walking about. Bond and Quatermain entered a small pub with a hanging wooden sign that proclaimed it as 'The Three Broomsticks'. The pub was small, warm, very smoky, and crowded because it was very cold outside. Bond looked around, then pointed out a thin boy with untidy black hair and bright green eyes wearing black robes, sitting at a table in a corner drinking from a glass of some tan colored liquid. "That's him." Bond said, pointing to the boy and walking forward.  
  
"Excuse me sir," Bond said when he reached the boy, "would you be  
Harry Potter?"  
  
"Yes," the boy said, "are you the party I was told to meet?"  
  
"Yes," Bond replied, "I am James Bond of the Department of Mysteries and this is my partner Mr. Quatermain."  
  
"Sit down." Potter offered.  
  
"Now, Mr. Potter, what I'm about to tell you is completely  
confidential," Bond said after they had sat down, "but the Ministry  
needs your help."  
  
"Why?" Potter asked, in shock.  
  
"The Dark Lord is beginning a offensive against the Muggle world."  
Bond replied.  
  
"No, I mean why are you impersonating wizards when it's easy to see  
that you're Muggles?" Harry said with some disbelief.  
  
At this sentence Bond could only sit in stunned silence.  
  
"Clever boy," Quatermain said with some approval, "How did you know?"  
  
"Mr. Bond here looked far too tense when he entered the pub." Potter  
explained, "So, how did you find out about us?"  
  
Bond cleared his throat and replied, "The government found out about  
you from the Minister of Sewage Treatment, or, as you know him, the  
Minister of Magic, Mr. Cornelius Fudge." Bond stopped for a second at  
the stunned look on Potter's face and continued, "Shortly after Fudge  
assumed the rank of Minister of Magic he was invited to a poker game  
that some of the lower ranking ministers hold on Fridays. After losing  
heavily and drinking a few too many Sherries Mr. Fudge began to let a  
few things slip." Bond stopped to smile at the look on Potter's face,  
then continued, "After a little persuasion, he told everything one  
needs to know about the wizarding world to an audience of ministers.  
Since then the government as been monitoring your people. I am very  
sorry to hear about your parents, by the way."  
  
"Thank you," Harry said, "So what does the government really want from me?"  
  
"I assume since you've been at school you have not heard the news in  
the muggle world?" Bond asked, and when Harry nodded Bond continued,  
"Ten days ago, the Bank of England was broken into using state-of –the-  
art weaponry. The single witness stated the robbers were members of  
the North Korean military. One week afterward, what appeard to be the  
U.S. Army broke into an aerospace facility in Toulouse, France. Just  
last night what appeared to be our military broke into a research  
facility in Beijing, China. Nations are striking out at nations; the  
world is at the brink of World War III. The British government  
believes that a terrorist who calls himself the Fantom is behind these  
attacks so he can profit from an arms race and the wartime demand for  
the new technology and biological technology he's created. The  
government has set up a group of extraordinary people like yourself to  
find and stop the Fantom." Bond then took out a letter, placed it in  
front of Harry and said, "This is a letter from your headmaster,  
which will explain everything."  
  
Harry took the letter and read:  
  
Dear Mr. Potter,  
  
As Mr. Bond has told you, you have been selected to go on a mission for Queen and Country. I'm sorry you have to do this but the government thought you were the best they could get. You have been given an excused absence from Hogwarts for the next week and a half, you will have to make up the work, and the Ministry has granted you permission to use magic outside Hogwarts for the next week and a half as well. Be careful, don't trust anyone but Mr. Quatermain, he's an old friend of mine.  
Good Luck,  
Albus Dumbledore  
  
"You're friends with the headmaster?" Harry asked Quatermain.  
  
"There are some things people can't live through without becoming  
friends, Mr. Potter," Quatermain said, "and being deserted on the  
African grassland for four days is one of them."  
  
"What were you two doing out there?" Harry asked.  
  
"I think that is still classified." Bond cut in before Quatermain  
could speak, "We need to go; I think we're being watched."  
  
"No, Mr. Bond," Quatermain said, staring at a hunched-over character  
at the bar who at that moment stood up, paid for his drink and left,  
"We were being watched."  
  
"Then we better get back to the car," Bond said, "and quickly."  
  
"I finally get a vacation," Harry remarked, "and I have to work  
through the whole thing."  
  
The three got up and headed out of the pub and toward the edge of the town where the Vanquish was parked.  
  
:  
  
The South London Docks; London: 7:30 p.m.:  
  
The Vanquish pulled up at a deserted dock in south London. The three got out of the car. "Well, let's see what our transport is." Bond said as he took out the little radio and pushed the button in the center. Suddenly, the calm water became very choppy. Then a large black shape came forth from the water; it was the top of a huge white submarine, at least a mile long and three stories tall from the water level to the top of the black tower in the back of the machine.  
  
Then before the three a large part of the hull opened outward like a gangplank and two men walked out onto the dock. One of the men was a tall English man, in his early sixties, wearing a trim tweed suit and tie with a white lab coat over it. It was Q, the head of MI6's research and development team. The other man was an Asian, in his late fifties, wearing a blue naval uniform and carrying a pistol and a sword on his belt.  
  
"Good evening Q," Bond said to Q and then gesturing to submarine,  
"what is this thing?"  
  
"The Nautilus," Quatermain said, staring at the submarine as if it  
were an old friend.  
  
"Exactly, Mr. Quatermain," Q said, "The original, but we have made  
some modifications, of course but most of the equipment didn't need to  
be replaced. All your luggage is on board." Q then pointed to the  
Asian and said, "This is the Captain of the Nautilus."  
  
"Call me Ishmael the Fourth," the man said as he shook their hands.  
  
"Well come on," Quatermain said, "it's getting late and I want to make  
Dublin by nine."  
  
"Good luck 007," Q said to Bond and then as an afterthought, "and  
bring my equipment back intact."  
  
"Have I ever given you any reason not to trust me." Bond said as he  
drove the Vanquish into the Nautilus.  
  
As the Nautilus pulled away from the dock Q, still standing on the dock, muttered under his breath, "All the time."  
  
Next time:  
  
Chapter 3: Fantom and  
  
Fowl  
  
(Sorry it's so long and took so long to come out, keep reading and reviewing.) 


	3. Fantom and Fowl

(I still don't own anything. In this Chapter I'm using the Artemis Fowl from inbetween the second and third books. I know that it doesn't work time wise, but pretend it does, you fools. Review or perish.)

Happiness is a waxen, two-headed baby. Chapter 3: Fantom and Fowl 

Dublin: Ireland, February 25, 9 p.m.

The fog in Dublin was thick. Bond could barely see through it. He, Potter and Quatermain were in the Land Blade, a long silver eight-seater car that had been provided by MI6 for the League. They were now heading out of Dublin, toward a mansion on the hill over looking the town.

"Who are we looking for?" Quartermain asked.

Bond pushed a few buttons that turned on several monitors in the car, which displayed information.

"His name is Artemis Fowl the Second." Bond began, "He is fourteen at the moment and is considered one of most intelligent and most dangerous people on the planet. By age thirteen, Mr. Fowl had beaten European chess champion Evan Kashoggi in an on-line tournament, patented over twenty- seven inventions, and won the architectural contest to design Dublin's new opera house."

"So why is he considered dangerous?" Potter asked.

"MI6 has reason to believe that Fowl also wrote a computer program that diverted millions of pounds from Swiss accounts to his own, forged more than a dozen impressionist paintings which now hang in galleries around the world, and cheated several million pounds worth of gold from the secret community of fairies." Bond replied.

"If you know Fowl's done all that," Quatermain said, "then why have you not apprehended him?"

"MI6 can't prove it without admitting we monitored him and invaded what would be considered his private affairs."

"There are fairies?" Harry asked in some surprise, "I thought they were just a myth."

"No, Mr. Potter," Bond replied, "They live in underground cities called the lower elements. We only found out about them from watching Fowl. Besides the incident in his manor when he cheated the gold out of the fairies, he has had dealings with the fairies several other times in the last two years but nothing recently."

The Land Blade sped toward the main gate of Fowl Manor. After a fifteen-minute security problem at the gate the car was allowed to enter the grounds. Shortly after Bond knocked on the door, it opened and a severe looking man in a butler's uniform said, "Whom should I say is calling?"

Bond adjusted the fake eyeglasses he was wearing and said, "I'm Dr. Zimsky, my associates and I are here to see Mr. Artemis Fowl the Second."

"Come in, sir." the man said and stepped back to allow Bond, Quatermain, and Potter to enter.

The three entered the huge entrance hall: a huge oak paneled hall with different types of weapons and armor.

"How much would all of this cost?" Potter said to no one.

"Actually it's mostly fake." replied a person in the shadows on the overlook from the next level.

The person was a tall, thin, fourteen -year-old boy with dark hair and nearly white skin.

"Artemis Fowl the Second I presume." Bond said.

"Yes," Fowl said, "but this is not the place to talk, Dr. Zimsky. Come with me to my library."

Fowl led the three upstairs and down a long hallway toward a large steel door.

"Juliet!" Fowl yelled.

"Yes, Artemis." replied a Eurasian teenage girl, a few years older than Fowl.

"I'll be in my library if you need me." Fowl said, "If my parents return from dinner, make sure they don't bother me. And where is Butler?"

"I'm not sure," Juliet said, "If he returns, should I tell you?"

"No," Fowl said, "just send him up to the library."

"Yes, sir." The girl said.

Fowl opened the large steel door onto an amazing site. A huge two story room with massive bookshelves on three sides and an enormous computer system along the fourth with a giant flat screen plasma monitor and a keyboard system that looked like the keys of an organ. On both the first floor of the library and the balconies surrounding it, the walls were covered with impressionist art works and medieval weaponry.

"So," Fowl said as he sat down in a large leather chair and indicated the others to sit down at the table in the middle of the room, "why does MI6 want my services?"

"I think you're mistaken," Bond said, "I'm Dr. Edward Zimsky, world- renowned psychiatric specialist, husband, and father of two."

"You have the knowledge, I'll give you that," Fowl said, "but I met Dr. Zimsky in Venice two years ago, you look nothing like him."

"Very good, Fowl," Quatermain said, "but how did you know we were MI6?"

"Simple," Fowl said, "MI6 is the only secret service that is actively hunting me."

"You know we're hunting you?" Bond asked, surprised.

"With all those cameras everywhere," Fowl said, but paused at the look on Bond's face and then continued, "I found your toys two years ago. Since then I've been feeding your cameras fake data."

"I can see why the fairies favor you." Bond said.

"So you know about the People." Fowl replied with interest.

"We saw the siege on the cameras," Bond said, "We got a close look at that one that dug into the house, the massive one with the horns that assaulted your bodyguard, and that fairy you had in the basement. We also got a hold of "The Book" from that fairy you found on the surface."

"I'm impressed, Mr.?" Fowl said.

"Bond, James Bond." Bond replied.

"Bond," Fowl said with interest, "well this is interesting, very, very interesting."

"Why?" Bond asked.

"Because your official dossier says you died four years ago during that Elektra King scandal." Fowl said.

"This is my third life." Bond replied.

"I thought the saying went "You Only Live Twice"?" Fowl said.

"I hate to interrupt," Potter said "but the reason we're here."

"Yes, you're right Mr. Potter," Fowl said, "By the way, Potter, I'm sorry to hear of the death of your godfather; I sent flowers."

"Thank you." Potter said now, slightly creeped out by Fowl and his direct way of staring at those he was taking to.

"Well," Bond said, "I assume you know why we have come."

"Since Mr. Quatermain is with you," Fowl said staring at Quatermain, "I'd guess that the Fantom has returned and is the cause of the recent political turmoil and you want me to help you stop him."

"You know your history, Mr. Fowl." Quatermain said.

"History that's classified." Bond said.

"Classified," Fowl laughed, "So is your dossier."

"How?" Bond said with shock.

"Hey," Fowl replied, "I'm Artemis Fowl."

" MI6 is willing to stop monitoring if you help us to stop The Fantom."

"There's a problem with that," Fowl said, "I enjoy keeping you at bay. There are only two things you can offer me to do this job."

"What are they?" Bond said.

"First, I want complete access to MI6's archives and databases." Fowl answered.

"Absolutely," Bond began, but after a look from Quatermain said, "All right, what else?"

"Second, I know that MI6 rigs the world football championships each year," Fowl said, then paused at the look on Bond's face and continued, "I want the right to pick the winners of the tournament for the next five years."

"Just as long as you don't pick Spain," Bond said, "they stole Beckham."

"Then I'm in," Fowl said, "I assume you have made my excuses."

"Your parents have won the Parents of the Year Award contest that you entered them into, they have won a week and a half in the alps for two, while your prize is that week and a half in Paris, both trips to start immediately. You were nice enough to pack for your parents and send their luggage ahead to the plane and a congratulations group has been sent to the restaurant to send them on their way." Bond replied.

"Let's get started." Fowl said.

Just then Quatermain stood up suddenly and drew a revolver from his vest. "What is it?" Harry asked. Suddenly a dozen or so armed soldiers came from behind the pillars on the second level. The soldiers wore black military uniforms, metal helmets with face plates, goggles, and carried large rifles that looked like Vulcan or Gattling guns with six barrels.

"Fowl?" Quatermain said questioningly.

"They're not mine." Fowl said.

"They're mine." said a person in the shadows of the second level.

The man appeared. The man wore long fur robes, with long gray hair, but it was the man's face that was truly frightening. It was scarred where it could be seen and it had a silver mask on it that covered everything but the mouth. One of the mask's eyes was set wide open while the other was set in a squint. Under the open robes the man wore a sort of steel vest and carried in his hand a cane with a silver skull as the handle.

"Hello, James." Quatermain said.

"Mr. Quatermain," the man said in a thick Russian accent, "I didn't think I would see you again."

"The same could be said to you," Quatermain said, "Why don't you take off that mask, James, or would you prefer Professor Moriarty?"

"You know I always prefer The Fantom, Mr. Quatermain," the man said, "and by the way, Mr. Quatermain, I'm still scarred but not blind. Drop the gun."

Quatermain dropped his revolver.

"First meetings generally merit introductions." Fowl said.

"Of course, Mr. Fowl," The Fantom said, "You are the new League of so-called Extraordinary Gentlemen, I am the Fantom, introductions made. Your mission is to stop me; this I cannot allow. I know Mr. Quatermain would never join me, and from what I've been told James Bond, Her Majesties' Loyal Terrier, would also never join me either, but you Mr. Potter and you Mr. Fowl might be willing. So I'll give you a special one time offer: join me."

"And help you destroy the Muggle world." Potter said.

"While you capitalize on your arms' race." Fowl added.

"You fools," Fantom said, "humanity has always made technological advances through war. I'm just speeding this process along."

Quatermain wasn't listening to this. He was taking notice of a massive man in a soldier's uniform. Unlike the other soldiers, he carried a massive handgun instead of the rifles the other soldiers carried and wasn't wearing goggles. As he looked out of the corner of his eye, the man winked. Quatermain looked with interest, not noticing that Fowl was watching the man out of the corner of his eye as well. Then Fowl gave one small nod.

Suddenly the soldier whipped around and fired his handgun at the soldier next to him, hitting him right between the eyes. In the confusion Bond drew his Walther PPK and fired at the chest of one of the men, which did nothing to stop him. The soldiers began to fire, in the confusion Quatermain picked up his revolver and fired twice at the Fantom's chest; his armor blocked the shot. The Fantom, startled, fell off the railing, got up, and ran toward the door, Quatermain followed. The man with the huge handgun shot two more soldiers and turned around to see ten more soldiers entering. The man shot several more soldiers and took off the helmet.

Six soldiers jumped from the upper level. Two soldiers headed toward Fowl who was unarmed. Fowl hit a button on the keyboard behind him. A panel next to the computer turned around to reveal a rack of what looked like silver toy ray guns. Fowl picked a large, tri barreled pistol and fired a beam of light at each soldier. Both staggered back and dropped their rifles. Fowl turned a dial on the back of the gun, then fired again. This time the blast blew the men off their feet and threw the men halfway across the room. Bond took careful aim and shot one soldier between the eyes. Bond took the soldier's rifle and attempted to fire. The gun was too shaky but Bond was able to gun down the next soldier. Potter was confronted by the final soldier, dodging a blast from the soldier's machine gun, he then pulled out a long stick of wood. Potter yelled, _"Stupefy!"_; a jet of red sparks shot from the wand, hit the soldier, and knocked him unconscious. Meanwhile, the man on the second level had run out of ammunition for his gun, so he grabbed the next soldier by the head and twisted it to side and broke the soldier's neck. The man then slammed the next man into the ground and hit him in the head so hard it broke the soldier's teeth.

Quatermain went down the hallway in pursuit of the Fantom. As he turned the corner someone hit him in the face, making him drop his gun. Quatermain looked back to see a man in his early thirties with long black hair, wearing a white button down shirt with the first two unbuttoned and a pair of clean jeans with some sort of necklace around his neck.

"Do I know you?" Quatermain asked.

"No, I can't say you do." The man said then hit Quatermain again.

Quatermain hit the man in the face, noticing a sword mounted on a wall. He grabbed it. The man took out a switch blade knife.

Noticing Quatermain looking at his knife, he said, "Well it's not about the size," the knife slowly turned into a broadsword, "it's how you use it."

"Who are you?" Quatermain asked.

"Lindsey," the man said, "Attorney at Law." Then Lindsey brought his sword into a downswing.

"If you're a lawyer," Quatermain said as he parried Lindsey's attack, "then why do you carry a sword?" He now lashed out in an attack.

"I have the worst kind of clients." Lindsey said.

"Politicians?" Quatermain asked.

"No," Lindsey replied, "vampires."

"I once knew a vampire." Quatermain said, continuing to fight with Lindsey, "Have you ever met Wilomina Harker?"

"Oh, Mina," Lindsey said, "I did an insurance fraud for her a few years ago."

"How is she?" Quartermain asked.

"She was fine the last time I saw her." Lindsey replied.

The two fought on. Quatermain hit Lindsey in the face with his fist and then in the stomach. Lindsey dropped his sword and ran. Quatermain found his revolver but when he looked up, Lindsey was gone. Quatermain ran to the end of the hallway but found only an open window.

Quatermain returned to the library to find all the soldiers dead or stunned. In the center was Fowl holding what looked like a silver toy gun, Bond holding one of the soldier's rifles, and Potter holding a long wooden stick.

"Everyone all right?" Quatermain asked.

They all nodded. Suddenly, a man jumped down from the second level. The man was a seven foot tall Eurasian in his early forties with muscles like a Michelangelo statue. His head was shaved and he was wearing a soldier's uniform.

As Bond and Quatermain raised their guns, Fowl said in haste, "Put down your weapons, it's just my bodyguard, Butler."

"Can we trust him?' Bond asked.

"Trust me," Fowl said, "if he wanted to kill you, he would have."

"Artemis." Butler said to Fowl as a greeting.

"I see you killed a straggler." Fowl commented, looking at Butler's clothes. "I suppose you know who's the leader."

"The Fantom." Butler replied.

"Yes," Fowl said, "These men are from MI6, they're here to invite me to help them stop the Fantom."

"You know, Mr. Butler," Quatermain said, "we could use one more on the team."

"I would have insisted on it anyway." Butler replied.

"Well that settles that." Fowl said, "Will do introductions later. Mr. Quartermain, I assume we have more members to pick up."

"Yes." Bond replied.

"Well give Butler and I a few minutes to put some equipment together." Fowl said, "Then we can leave."

:

The Nautilus; half an hour later.

"Welcome to the Nautilus." Bond said as they entered, "This is the captain."

"Call me Ishmael, the Fourth." said an elderly man in a blue naval uniform. "Gentlemen, we have your accommodations. Mr. Quatermain, you're in your old room, it should be the exact way you left it."

"Thank you." Quatermain said and started down the hall.

"Mr. Potter," The captain continued, "We're putting you up in Suite Two, that's Dorien Gray's old rooms, please don't touch any of the liquor bottles in there. Gray's the only man known to have survived a shot of some of that stuff."

"Thank you." Harry said, then he also went down the hall.

"Mr. Fowl," the captain continued, "you're in Suite One, inside you'll see a cabinet filled with vials of liquid off to one side. Don't drink any of it, it's Dr. Jekyl's formula."

"Interesting." Fowl said as he strolled off.

The captain then turned to face Butler, "And how have you been Butler,"

"Surviving, Ishmael," Butler replied. "Just surviving."

"We're making up Suite Eight for you but it isn't ready." Ishmael said, "So until then, my cabin is yours."

"Thank you, old friend." Butler said, embracing the old man like a brother, then headed down the hall.

"Well, 007," Ishmael said, "Where to?"

"New York Harbor, Captain." Bond replied

"You're in Suite Five, it's former tenant was Special Agent Sawyer. Be careful, most of the firearms in there are still loaded."

"Just my kind of man." Bond said as he headed down the hall.

Next time 

_**Chapter 4: Back From The Future**_

(Please Review or I'll rip your head off and feed it to my chickens)


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